Cookin' With Disaster
by Persiana13
Summary: In an effort to create stable mutant/human relations, several X-men go to San Diego and meet the West Coast Avengers. Chaos, Kitty's Cooking, and Insanity ensues! Takes place in L1701E's Misfit-verse.
1. Chapter 1

**Cookin' with Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Leon/Crisis and Farrah/Persiana. _

Chapter 1: Touchdown 

"You guys threw away the raisin cookies?"

Kitty Pride, the X-man member Shadowcat, was strapped into the seat of the X-van. Presently, she, Sam Guthrie, the X-man Cannonball, Roberto DaCosta, the X-man Sunspot, Ray Crisp, X-man Berserker, Tabitha Smith, the X-men Boom-boom, Hank McCoy, the X-man Beast, and Logan, the X-man Wolverine, were in the X-van with her. Beast stated,

"Miss Pryde, your cooking skills…leave much to be desired."  
He tried to put it delicately as he could. Kitty folded her arms,

"Oh, come on. My cooking was not that bad."

Sam looked at the phasing mutant,

"Ah seem to remember you throwin' away a batch o' muffins and they dented the walkway, not to mention the one muffin that came to life." (1)

Kitty shook her head,

"That was one time, and you banned me from making muffins for life."

Sunspot recalled,

"What about the time you made those flying pancakes that shot laser beams at us?"

Ray joked,

"The ones with the horns or the eyes?"

Boom-Boom shrugged,

"Does it matter? The point is, Kitty Pride is dangerous in the kitchen and should come with a warning label. You know, do not let near kitchen, otherwise insane monsters will come and eat you."

Logan grunted,

"Yer a regular ball o' sunshine, Timebomb."

Tabitha grinned,

"Naturally."

Hank shook his head,

"I also hope to meet my friend here."

Logan said,

"Is it that Simon Williams guy?"

The furry blue ape nodded,

"Why yes. We have a lot to discuss; movies, the occasional drink…"

Ray snickered,

"And you both like long walks on the beach and talking about your feelings."

Roberto laughed,

"Sure he's not talking about you?"

The former Morlock roared,

"DIE!"

He went to strangle his friend and rival when Tabitha pulled out a bomb,

"If you two don't stop, I'll drop one in both your pants. Got it?!"

Ray and Roberto backed off, but kept glaring at each other.

As the X-men pulled up into the West Coast Avengers' Compound, Wolverine's eyes widened,

"Look out!"

He narrowly avoided two teen girls that ran right in front of the moving van; one was a white-fur covered girl wearing red. Her name is Farrah Willows, the heroine Persiana. The other was a blonde woman wearing a one piece outfit and eye mask. Her name is Carol Danvers, the heroine Miss Marvel.

Miss Marvel roared,

"PERSIANA, GET BACK HERE SO I CAN SKIN YOU ALIVE!"  
Farrah crowed,

"You'll never take me alive, Barbie!"  
She jumped into the trees, which Carol promptly started to uproot. The blonde Air Force brat threw a tree behind her, which hit the X-van, knocking it over. The X-men inside were screaming, until something abruptly stopped them. Tabitha looked out and smiled,

"Hello, hot stuff!"

She was admiring a red-eyed teen who was effortlessly lifting the van up off the ground. His name is Leon Maxwell, the Avenger called Crisis.

Leon lowered the van and asked,

"Is everyone all right in there?"

Sam grumbled,

"Ah'm alive, ah think."

Leon opened the doors and let everyone out,

"I'm sorry about all this. I knew you were all coming; but I had no idea-."

Roberto shouted,

"Cat-fight!"  
Sure enough, Carol had found Farrah, and the two girls were engaged in a cat-fight…again. Leon moaned,

"That's the fifth time today, and it's not even nine o'clock."

Tabitha asked,

"Do they fight often?"  
The red-eyed hero nodded,

"Yeah, and it's always over me. I've told those two to try and settle their differences, but both of them aren't going to quit until one or the other gets killed."  
Kitty blinked,

"That sounds awfully familiar to me."

Tabitha snapped,

"It should, considering it happens all the time between Avalanche and Colossus!"

Leon sighed,

"I've told Carol I'm dating Farrah, but she won't listen. I mean, don't get me wrong, Carol's good looking and everything, but I just like Farrah."

Ray and Roberto continued to cheer on the girls. Tabitha rolled her eyes and threw a time bomb their way. The bomb exploded, sending both teens screaming girlishly into the sky. They both landed with a hard thud on their backs. Cannonball shook his head,

"Ah apologize for those two. They act like they've never seen two girls fight."

Kitty unstrapped herself from the van,

"So, we're staying here while we visit?"

Leon shrugged,

"It wasn't my idea. It was Fury's."  
Wolverine grumbled,

"Big surprise."

The red-eyed hero added,

"Well, Fury gave the go ahead, saying something about mutant-human relations."

Beast blinked,

"You are not a mutant."

Crisis smiled sheepishly,

"It's a complicated story. Come on in, I'll introduce you to the rest of the team."

He then looked over and sighed,

"We'll leave them alone. They should wear each other out in a while."

Next Chapter:

The X-men get introduced to the West Coast Avengers. Chaos ensues!

(1) See L1701E's Airtight's Creation Special Edition


	2. Chapter 2

**Cookin' with Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Hasbro. I own Leon/Crisis and Farrah/Persiana. L1701E owns his OCs. _

Chapter 2: Meeting Time 

Simon Williams, the ionic Avenger Wonder Man, was in the main foyer, greeting the X-men. He smiled,

"Beast! How ya doin', buddy?"

The two shook hands hard. The furry blue ape smiled,

"How are you, old friend?"

Roberto whispered to Ray something, and the two snickered. Tabitha smirked,

"I remember you. Aren't you a big action star?"

Simon nodded,

"Yes, I am."  
The bomb-maker pulled out a camera and took a picture. She then said,

"Can you sign it for me? Please?"  
Sam shook his head,

"Ah haven't seen you this excited since Paul came over that time."

Ray blurted out,

"I HATE THAT STARCHILD!"  
This was followed by a hard right hook from Kitty and Tabitha. The phasing mutant huffed,

"No one talks about my Starchild like that."

Boom-boom rolled her eyes,

"As if. I'm the only woman for Paul."

At this, the two tackled each other, a cat-fight erupting. Leon groaned,

"Just what we need; another cat-fight. This day cannot get worse."

Suddenly, a loud explosion rocked the West Coast Avengers' compound and Jim Rhodes, the hero known as War Machine, roared,

"DIE, YOU STUPID FLY!"  
The ionic Avenger sighed,

"That fly is back again."

Wolverine blinked,

"Huh?"  
Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, came in,

"Leon, we need your help. War Machine is looking for ammo for his grenade launcher again."

The red-eyed hero nodded,

"I'll be right there, Nat."

He looked at the new arrivals,

"Sorry, just let me take care of this problem, and I'll explain everything later."

Another explosion was heard as Rhodes' voice cackled,

"DIE! DIE, FLY!"  
Beast rubbed the bridge of his nose,

"Why is this place reminding me of the X-mansion?"  
The Inhuman Avenger Crystal ran in the room,

"Is he here?"

Tabitha asked,

"Who're you?"

Simon answered,

"That's Crystal. She's a royal member of the ruling family of Inhumans."

Beast nodded,

"I have heard of them; humans that have been exposed to a mist and granted all sorts of fantastic powers."

Sam blinked,

"Wow."

Crystal jumped up and down,

"I can't wait! I can finally meet my dream man!"  
Roberto flashed a smile,

"Well, I don't know. I mean, I am a hit with the ladies."

The element-manipulating teen scowled,

"Not you, pal. Quicksilver's my man!"

At this, the X-men were stunned and all collapsed at once. Ray groaned,

"Hell has officially frozen over, guys."

Logan moaned,

"I need a stiff drink."

Beast said,

"I'll show you where the liquor is."

**Meanwhile… **

Monet, the Hellion known as M, was plotting devious revenge against the man that had wronged her.

Crisis. (1)

It was bad enough being beaten in front of her teammates, but, it was worse when she had a tooth get knocked out, and her new, favorite dress ruined. She was seething with anger and she was grinding her hands into the chair, repeating,

"I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him."  
She shouted,

"CRISIS, YOU ARE DEAD FOR RUINING ME!"  
With that, she flew out of the room, through the ceiling and roof. Emma Frost walked in, hearing the commotion. She looked at the gaping hole and moaned,

"And I just had it fixed too!" 

Next Chapter:

The X-men get treated to the rest of the West Coast Avengers, and Kitty gives the West Coast gang an example of her cooking. This is going to turn out bad.

(1) This happened in Emerging Crisis


	3. Chapter 3

**Cookin' with Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Hasbro. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. L1701E owns his OCs. _

Chapter 3: The Appetizer 

"DIE, YOU FLY!"  
Jim Rhodes, the heroic Avenger War Machine, was shooting a shoulder mounted machine gun at the pesky insect. Of course, the other West Coast Avengers were trying to stop him from doing so, as well as keep the whole building intact. Needless to say, things were not going as planned.

Hercules, the super-strong teen Avenger, grabbed his mace and started going after the fly,

"YOU ACCURSED INSECT! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR FRIENDS?"  
The mace-user slammed the wall where the fly was. The fly was still moving around the room, but there was now a gaping hole in the wall.  
Sam Wilson, the Falcon, ducked for cover,

"Yipes! What the hell, man?"

Natasha called for order,

"Rhody, wait!"  
The fly then landed on Miss Marvel's cheek. The blonde Air Force brat squealed nervously,

"Get it off! Kill it! Kill it!"

Persiana grabbed a chair and slammed it into her rival's face. The fly was killed, but Carol groaned,

"What was that for?"

The feral feline nonchalantly remarked,

"Oh, like that fly was already ruining your already hideous looks? I mean, the fly must've thought you were a dead body or something."

Carol roared,

"DIE!"

She tackled her rival, a cat-fight breaking out again. Leon groaned,

"This is definitely not our finest day."

Monica Rambrieu, the heroine Pulsar, came in and saw the damage. She shouted,

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"  
The other West Coast Avengers all winced. It was very unwise to make the Louisiana native upset.

Pulsar snarled,

"I don't care what happened, or what started it. I know Fury's got some of the X-men here, so, get this place fixed up and show our guests around."

Another loud explosion was heard. Tabitha's voice echoed,

"STARCHILD LOVES ME!"  
Kitty's voice responded,

"HOW COULD HE, WITH YOUR FAT ASS!"

Ray moaned,

"I HATE STARCHILD!"  
A loud snap was heard and Roberto winced,

"Oh, that's got to hurt big time."

**Meanwhile… **

Monet was furious to say the least. She made a beeline for the West Coast where she was going to take her revenge on Crisis and what he did to humiliate her.

Flying through the skies, an unknown force was watching the young Hellion in her rage. This force was a man dressed in green and yellow, and wore a horned crown. He smiled evilly,

"Methinks this could be amusing. Perhaps a closer look is an order."

He waved his hand and in a moment, Monet hit her head. The perfectionist shouted,

"What is the meaning of this?"

The disembodied voice cackled,

"Oh, come now, my dear mortal. I mean you no harm. I have just come to talk."

Monet growled,

"I don't have time to talk! I have to get revenge on that flat scan Crisis! He ruined me!"

The voice said,

"I believe I can help you with your revenge, Monet."

At this, the powerhouse became intrigued,

"What is it? What could you possibly have to help me?"

An astral projection of a man in green and yellow robes appeared. He said,

"Mortal fool. I am Loki, god of mischief and evil! I want to cause some chaos! And, if it helps you get your revenge…so much the better, right?"

Monet instantly lit up,

"Tell me everything."

Loki grinned,

"First, I will need you to go to Canada for me to retrieve something. A creature, unlike anything you have ever seen in your life. A creature as white as snow and as ferocious as any beast that walks Midgard. Capture this creature, and you will be one step closer to your revenge."

Monet's eyes flashed and she giggled evilly,

"Perfect! This will be my finest hour!"

She flew away at high speeds. Loki rubbed his hands evilly,

"This will be the perfect test of my new plan. If it works on the West Coast Avengers, it will surely work on my brother's accursed mortal friends as well."

Next Chapter:

Let the Cooking Chaos begin!


	4. Chapter 4

**Cookin' with Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. _

Chapter 5: First Course 

Kitty and Sam were in the kitchen, running through the list of things that the phasing mutant was going to need to prepare for cooking. Sam went down the list,

"Gloves?"

"Check."

"Cooking Utensils?"

"Check."

"Hazmat suit?"

The phasing mutant glared at the flier,

"Are you serious?"

The Kentucky born mutant looked back,

"Yeah, ah am. And, ah'm also serious about that special medicine Beast made from Wolverine's blood. It's supposed to heal any sort o' disease that's out there."

**Meanwhile… **

Hank McCoy and Simon Williams were both talking, along with Wolverine and Jim Rhodes. The four were exchanging stories about their respected schools, which led the feral to grunt,

"Those kids at the school; they're all nuts, especially when the girls fight over Starchild."

Beast added,

"Or the times the Misfits or the East Coast Avengers come over."

Simon grinned,

"How are those guys doing?"

Beast shook his head,

"Last week was horrible…"

**Flashback, last week at the X-mansion… **

Thor, the teen god of thunder, bellowed out,

"FOR GLORY!"  
He picked up a water balloon and threw it, intending to hit Colossus. Instead, he had hit Tigra. The teen were-cat hissed out loud,

"Hey, watch it, Thor-chan!"  
She picked up another water balloon and threw it back.

She-Hulk walked out,

"What's going on?"

She was hit in the face with a water balloon. Turning red with anger, she picked up another water balloon and threw it. This time, it hit Scott and sent him flying into the kitchen, his back hitting a wall. He moaned out loud,

"Owie. Pain."

He then slinked down to the floor. Sonic Blue noticed how the other teen Avengers were acting and shouted,

"HEY!"  
Everyone looked at him. The inventor continued,

"We're guests at the Institute. The very least you could do is show a little respect!"

The teen Avengers all looked at him, shrugged, and tossed water balloons at him. Then, they all went back to what they were doing. Dripping wet, Spencer sighed,

"I don't know why I even try anymore."

**End Flashback… **

War Machine winced,

"Ouch. No wonder Iron Man had rust in his armor when he went to pick them up."

Wolverine grunted,

"They almost got my cigars wet, too."

He sniffed his drink,

"This stuff's strong."

Simon smirked,

"It's bourbon. A friend of mine brought into the studio once and gave me a whole case. I've been saving it for the right occasion."

Beast asked,

"Does the kids driving you crazy count?"

A loud crash was heard and Persiana cackled maniacally as she ran,

"You'll never take me alive, bitches!"  
Carol and Tabitha were in hot pursuit, shouting out various things they would do to the were-cat once they caught her. The time-bomb thrower roared,

"You're dead, furball!"

The Air Force brat nodded,

"After me! I'll teach her not to talk about my beloved Red Sox!"

Tabitha grunted,

"Even if they do suck!"

Carol spun around,

"What?"  
Tabitha shrugged,

"Oh, come on. Everyone knows now the curse is back on them. It'll be another 86 years before they win again."

The blonde powerhouse shouted,

"LIES! ALL LIES!"  
She tackled the other blonde, a cat-fight breaking out. Ray and Roberto whooped,

"Oh, yeah!"

Hercules and Falcon cheered them on. Wonder Man looked at the others, sighing,

"Now, THIS is the occasion to drink. Who wants another glass?"

Next Chapter:

More West Coast Avengers/X-men insanity! Plus, what is Loki's plan for our heroes? Stay tuned!


	5. Chapter 5

**Cookin' with Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. _

Chapter 5: Second Course 

**Somewhere in the wilderness of Canada… **

Monet huffed,

"Just what is Loki looking for here, anyway? It is infuriating that I cannot read his mind. But, he did seem to be telling the truth when he said there was-."

Suddenly, a ferocious roar could be heard, echoing throughout the forest. The perfectionist Hellion stopped in her tracks. She looked around,

"What was that?"

A twig snapped, causing Monet to spin around. She called out,

"I should warn you; I'm the top student at the Massachusetts academy!"  
The roar returned, and Monet was knocked off her feet. When she recovered, she was staring at a monster twelve to fifteen feet high, covered in white fur. It had long claws and fangs, and easily towered over the frightened mutant. It roared,

"!"

**Meanwhile, in San Diego… **

Cannonball flew out, shouting,

"HELP! IT'S ALIVE!"

He was barreling out of the kitchen, with a loud monstrous roar following him. Apparently, when Kitty decided to cook, she started with ravioli, and, in the process of cooking the pasta, it came alive. Now, the ravioli looked like flying saucers and shot lightning bolts.

Natasha pulled out her pistols and opened fire, shattering one of the ravioli in mid-air. The Russian teen ordered,

"West Coast Avengers; stop that pasta!"

War Machine and Miss Marvel started shooting the flying ravioli with their energy attacks, while Crystal conjured up a flaming tornado and managed to cook all the pasta in the room. The end result was the pasta being cooked to perfection, and the room they were all in was scorched beyond recognition.

Pulsar came in,

"What's going-?"

She noticed the room and roared,

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THIS PLACE?"  
Natasha said,

"It wasn't our fault. It was Kitty's. She did something in the kitchen and somehow, we got attacked with ravioli."

The Louisiana heroine shook her head,

"Never mind. Get this place cleaned up. I'm going for a drink."

With that, she left the room.

Farrah shrugged,

"Well, it's still better than Crystal's cooking."

The Inhuman heroine placed her hands on her hips, shocked,

"Excuse me; my cooking was never this bad."

The lioness arched an eyebrow,

"Really? You obviously didn't hear the story I did…"

**Last week… **

Beach Head, the Army Ranger of G.I. Joe, was carrying a box in pretty yellow and pink colors. He said,

"Quicksilver, you've got a package."

Wanda moaned,

"Is it from that psycho Crystal? I swear; she scares me."

Quicksilver swallowed,

"Oh, I hate to see what it is."

He nervously opened it and noticed it was a big chocolate cake. Pietro grinned,

"Well, this is something I like."

Suddenly, the cake came alive and roared in the speedster's face. It then tried to eat the silver-haired mutant…

**At present… **

Crystal huffed,

"For your information, I was sending the cake to Wanda so she would back off on my man. Seriously; how can Pietro call that bitch a sister?"

Persiana grinned,

"I'll be sure to tell Wanda that."

There was a loud crash, followed by Pulsar screaming,

"WHERE IS MY CAR?"  
Leon groaned,

"I feel a headache is coming on, but I don't think it's one of my visions."

Next Chapter:  
What's happened to Pulsar's car? Find out next time!


	6. Chapter 6

**Cookin' with Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. L1701E owns his OCs. _

Chapter 6: Third Course 

Wolverine and War Machine, as well as the other X-men, and the West Coast Avengers all blinked at what they saw.

Wonder Man and Beast, who had been drinking plenty of bourbon from Simon's secret stash, had turned Pulsar's classic car into that car that looked remarkably similar to the one on the TV show 'Dukes of Hazzard". Needless to say, the two of them were driving around the lawn of the compound, shouting 'YEE HAW', driving the car all over make-shift jumps and platforms.

Crisis blinked,

"I never thought I'd see this."

Hercules watched in confusion,

"What are those foolish mortals doing?"

Falcon observed,

"I think they're trying to do a remake of the Dukes of Hazzard."

Natasha asked,

"Didn't someone try that once?"

Crystal nodded,

"Yeah, but they had Jessica Simpson in it. Blah!"

Farrah smirked,

"Just be grateful Barbie didn't get on there. There'd be riots in the streets."

Miss Marvel shot back,

"For your information, I would never accept a job working on the remake of a classic TV show. Besides, if I wanted to wear that outfit, I'd wear it for Leon."

The lioness blinked,

"I just realized something; I have to get a pair of Daisy Dukes for my boyfriend."

She scampered off. Black Panther asked,

"Shouldn't we put a stop to this?"

Pulsar was chasing the car with the two drunken heroes in it, wielding an axe. The light powered heroine roared,

"WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU TWO, YOU ARE GONNA DIE!"

Wolverine looked at the bourbon and sniffed it,

"O-K, this is officially not coming back with us when this is over."

Cannonball shook his head,

"I had no idea Mr. McCoy was such a great stunt driver."

Crisis shook his head, not wanting to deal with this,

"Herc, you and I are gonna put a stop to this right now before they hurt someone."  
Falcon grinned,

"Or if Pulsar gets to them."

Roberto, from another room, shouted,

"Kiss my ass, Ray! I so totally owned you!"  
Ray, in probably the same room, shouted back,

"You cheated!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DIE!"

A brawl had broken out in the room the two mutants were in. Natasha looked at Cannonball,

"How do you want to handle this?"

The flying mutant shook his head,

"Ah'll go calm them down."

Black Panther said,

"Falcon and I shall assist you."

The former gang member frowned,

"Since when?"

"Since now."

T'challa dragged the bird hero by the ear. Crystal winced,

"That has got to hurt."

There was an explosion in the kitchen and Tabitha shouted,

"EEWWW! GET IT OFF! MY HAIR!"

Natasha said,

"Crystal and I will take care of it."

War Machine groaned,

"Gyrich is going to hear about this. I just know it."

**Meanwhile… **

Monet fell into the snow, panting. She looked up to see the creature called Wendigo imprisoned in a magical cage created by Loki. The god of trickery smiled,

"Excellent! Now, we must bring this creature to the West Coast Avengers."

Monet breathed heavily,

"Wait a minute. This creature would not last long in San Diego's warm climate."

Loki shook his head,

"Never you worry, mortal. I am Loki, god of mischief and evil. I have a plan already in motion."

He added,

"Plus, if you succeed, you will not only have your revenge, I will make sure you have your beloved Wildstar."

At this, Monet perked up,

"I'm in."

Next Chapter:

More antics from the West Coast Avengers!


	7. Chapter 7

**Cookin' With Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. L1701E owns his OCs. _

Chapter 7: Main Course 

Pulsar was still chasing the car,

"COME BACK HERE! YOU TWO ARE DEAD MEAT!"  
Simon and Beast were still driving around, still in Pulsar's car, which now looked like the General Lee, the car from Dukes of Hazzard. They just completed another jump and were tearing up the lawn. Crisis was in position as the car sped towards him. He was ready when Farrah called out,

"Oh, Leon!"  
The red-eyed pre-cog shook his head,

"Farrah, now is REALLY not a good time for me to-."

He turned and his jaw hit the floor. Farrah was seductively leaning against the door frame, poised in really short jeans and a flannel short shirt tied in a knot in front. She had a cowboy hat on and grinned lecherously,

"Wanna take a ride on this pony, baby?"

So stunned by the sudden, and amazingly beautiful, sight of his girlfriend, Leon had forgotten about the car, until it came crashing into him. Hank and Simon were hurled out of the car through the windshield, both landing in a drunken daze. Pulsar shouted,

"My car!"

Hercules looked at Farrah, stunned,

"By the gods; she is gorgeous!"

Carol rolled her eyes,

"I can't believe you went and did that just now. Look at Pulsar's car!"

The white-haired lioness strutted up to her shocked boyfriend and curled up next to him,

"Hey, stud. I can prove I'm more than a one trick pony."

Monica shouted,

"What were you thinking, Leon?"

At this, the red-eyed teen winced,

"Oh, the car crashed, didn't it?"

Pulsar was furious,

"Yes, it did! That was my baby!"

She then noticed the two drunken heroes and, wielding her axe, roared,

"COME BACK HERE! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!"

The chase was on; the light-powered Avenger began chasing a drunken Simon and Beast all over the compound.

Farrah purred and traced her finger on her boyfriend's chest,

"So, handsome; when do I get to ride you in a rodeo?"

Carol folded her arms,

"Seems appropriate, coming from a fat cow like you."

The feral turned, hissing,

"Screw you, Danvers! You're just jealous!"  
The blonde heroine shot back,

"Me, jealous? You distracted Leon when he was supposed to be doing something important, like stopping one of our drunken caretakers and his friend from wreaking havoc!"

Persiana shrugged,

"Come on, it's not like he got hurt, and Monica's car can easily be hammered out. In fact, we can use your head to pound out the dents. Considering you don't have any brain cells, it wouldn't cause any serious damage!"  
Leon said,

"Ladies, this is not necessary!"

Crystal came running,

"HELP! HELP!"

She was being chased by what appeared to be a flying pizza with a big mouth made of peppers, pepperoni eyes, and throwing mushrooms and tomato sauce all over the Inhuman princess. Falcon groaned,

"Here we go again!"

**Meanwhile… **

Monet, battered and beaten, huffed in the snow as she saw the creature called Wendigo had been locked inside a magical cage. However, she clenched her fists; her revenge for Crisis still driving her, giving her the stamina and determination she needed.

Loki rubbed his hands evilly,

"Perfect. Everything is going according to plan. Now, to test this plot on the West Coast Avengers. If this works; then this creature shall be unleashed on my accursed brother Thor!"

**Back to the West Coast Avengers Compound… **

Leon sighed; Persiana and Miss Marvel, after defeating the monstrous pizza, got into another cat-fight. This time, the two were rolling around on the grass, shaking each other violently. Ray, Roberto, Hercules, and Falcon were cheering them on, while Leon struggled for order. He then had a flaring headache as his precognition kicked on. He rubbed his head and collapsed onto his knees. The red-eyed hero said,

"Stop it! Just focus!"

This broke up the cat-fight and the two women decided to come near him. Leon held his head and shook it until his eyes stopped glowing red. He looked up at the concerned look of his teammates and said,

"We're going to get attacked soon."

Next Chapter:  
What did Crisis see? How will the West Coast Avengers survived Kitty's cooking? Will Simon and Beast be axed by Pulsar? Stay tuned!


	8. Chapter 8

**Cookin' with Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. _

Chapter 8: The Main Course 2 

Leon held his head,

"We're going to get attacked."

Wolverine looked at War Machine,

"What's he talkin' about?"

Rhody explained,

"As best to my knowledge, Crisis has precognition, but he can't seem to control it. Not only that, but he also has intense headaches, black outs, and his future telling abilities can only perceive bad things happening."

Carol asked,

"Who attacks us?"

The red-eyed swordsman stood up,

"I don't know; I only saw it for a brief second. It was big, white, and scary."

The blonde Air Force brat groaned,

"Great, Persiana snaps and kills us all. I knew that was going to happen."

Farrah snarled,

"For your information, Barbie, I would never attack my boyfriend, no matter how bad things got. It's obviously something else that's big, white, and scary."

Falcon quipped,

"Farrah's scary when there's no milk in the house."

Natasha nodded,

"I remember she tore apart half a block before we got her some ice cold milk."

The feral lioness nodded,

"All right, so I did go a little nuts that time. I can't stand that half and half crap SOMEONE tried to poison me with!"

She immediately glared at Carol. Carol shot back,

"That's what you get for eating the last donut."

Crystal shook her head,

"But, what about the monster that's going to attack us?"

Wolverine blinked,

"You said the thing was big, white, and scary?"

Leon nodded. The feral Canadian thought back for a moment. His eyes seemed to be lost in a dream. He remembered once, running through the Canadian wilderness. Logan panted in the cold Canadian air. It was late fall, early winter, and he was hunting the Hulk. The green giant of a man had fought Wolverine and managed to get away, but Logan tracked him down. However, when Logan found the Hulk, the Hulk was engaged with the Wendigo. It was a bloody melee; the white haired behemoth could heal just as fast as the Hulk. Plus, Logan had heard stories, stories of how the monster came into existence.

He finally snapped out of his dream,

"You kids are in trouble. That thing you saw was a Wendigo."

Hercules asked,

"Is it anything like the Hydra, or a Cyclops?"

Logan shook his head,

"Something like that. Wendi's been the story of a curse for hundreds of years. You become one of these things when you become a cannibal."

The West Coast Avengers and teen X-men were shocked. Tabitha blinked,

"Whoa. I never heard that story before."

Sunspot gulped,

"Man, that's disgusting."

Logan continued,

"This thing could heal as fast as the Hulk, and take him on by himself."

Hercules flexed his biceps,

"Hah! Hopefully a worthy challenge for the son of Zeus!"

Suddenly, the air got noticeably cold, enough so that everyone could see their own breath. Even Pulsar, Simon, and Beast all stopped and took notice of this.

A maniacal laughter soon followed,

"Fools!"

Leon instantly recognized that voice,

"M?"

Monet folded her arms and hovered in the sky,

"Now, I will have my revenge against you all! Especially you, Crisis!"

Leon shook his head,

"Look, Monet. I don't know how you got a Wendigo here, or whatever it's called. It's a dangerous monster that could kill us all."

Just then, there was a loud roar. Wolverine immediately tensed and unsheathed his claws. The others took defensive positions and prepared themselves.  
Ray looked around,

"What was that loud roar?"  
At that moment, the Wendigo, the white-haired behemoth that could take on the Hulk, barreled through the wall. It roared at the top of its lungs and leapt into the sky, landing in the middle of the heroes, sending them scattering about. Crisis looked at M,

"This is insane! I don't know how you were able to tame it, but you have to stop it!"

Monet looked back, an insane glint in her eyes as she spoke,

"No! Never! Not until I have my revenge!"

Next Chapter:

M and Wendigo vs. the West Coast Avengers and the X-men!


	9. Chapter 9

**Cookin' With Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. _

Chapter 9: Just Desserts 

Wendigo roared and darted as fast as it could towards the heroes. Pulsar ordered,

"Avengers…ASSEMBLE!"

Hercules shouted,

"I shall slay thee, foul beast!"

He readied his mace, but the white-haired creature was quicker and swiped hard into the Lion of Olympus. Hercules went down, but Miss Marvel flew in and slammed into Wendigo, sending the flying monstrosity into a tree.

The whole area of the compound was chilled and had traces of frost on every surface. Natasha ordered,

"This thing can't be allowed to recover! Hit him hard!"

Wolverine charged in and slammed his claws into the chest of the Wendigo. Wendigo huffed for a moment, then, picked up Wolverine by his head and slammed him through one of the walls of the house. The feral Canadian groaned as he tried to get up.

War Machine launched several rockets at the beast. Wendigo jumped high, avoiding them. He landed with a hard crash, flattening Simon and Beast underneath his feet. Wonder Man hefted the behemoth off of him, while Persiana jumped on his back and began beating on him. The feline heroine went for the eyes, but Wendigo grabbed her and was about to throw her when he curiously looked at her. He tilted his head, as if studying the young cat-girl. Farrah shook her head,

"Look, I'm cute and everything, but I already have a boyfriend."

Miss Marvel taunted,  
"That's all right, Wendi. You can have her! I finally get to score with my Leon."

Persiana shrieked,

"TOUCH HIM AND YOU DIE, BARBIE!"  
Wendigo blinked at the lioness. He then threw her over her shoulder and kicked Beast away.

Leon looked back and roared,

"GIVE HER BACK, YOU BASTARD!"  
He flew right into Wendigo and slammed a massive uppercut. The shock knocked Farrah loose and Wendigo went sailing into the wall of the compound. He immediately stood up and roared furiously. He would have gone for the red-eyed hero had M not tackled Crisis first. She slammed a punch in his face, sneering,

"How does it feel? How does it feel to lose teeth?"

Miss Marvel and Persiana roared,

"STAY AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND!"  
The two women tackled the dark-skinned powerhouse and proceeded to beat her senseless.

Sunspot and Berserker teamed up and slammed their respective energy attacks at Wendigo. Tabitha threw some time bombs down, while Cannonball flew hard, colliding head first into Wendigo. Wendigo was only more determined and, grabbing Cannonball's legs; he threw him at the other X-men. All four of them went down hard.

Wolverine had recovered at this time and charged back into the fray, slamming his claws deep into Wendigo's chest. Wendigo shrieked in pain and went for the claw user, but Logan tumbled and ducked around each attempt to get at him, all the while doing as much damage as his adamantium claws would allow.

War Machine opened up with a chest laser attack, followed by Pulsar's laser blast and Crystal's fire/wind combination attack.

Wendigo fell down, but everyone noticed the wounds already starting to heal. Crisis shook his head,

"This thing's unstoppable."

Wendigo stood up, growling in animalistic anger. His eyes then turned to Persiana, who just got knocked unconscious by M. Furious, Wendigo dashed for Monet and, hefting the powerhouse and leader of the Hellions up, threw her over the horizon.

Black Panther asked,

"What has just happened?"

Beast surmised,

"If I had to guess, it appears Wendigo has developed a mutual attraction to Persiana."

Leon blinked,

"Does that mean that cannibal-created thing likes Farrah?"

Falcon smirked,

"From the looks of things, like is putting it mildly."

Hank nodded,

"Indeed. It is possible that this Wendigo, while a magical creature, still has basic needs."

Crisis asked,

"Does that mean he…no!"

Carol laughed,

"Hey, furball! Looks like Leon's available now. You two go have a romantic honeymoon. I'll be sure to keep Leon warm forever."

Persiana instantly roared in rage,

"YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY MAN, BARBIE! THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M LETTING BIGFOOT OVER HERE TOUCH ME!"  
Wendigo grabbed Persiana and began nuzzling her neck. Farrah tried to squirm out of its grasp, yelling,

"Put me down, you walking snowball! I'm not a fuzzy toy!"

Just then, Wendigo was shot with a tranquilizer in his neck, back, and chest. Wendigo then fell to the ground, on top of the were-cat. Farrah slipped out, moaning,

"I am never going to live this down, am I?"

Nick Fury, the one-eyed head of SHIELD, had received a distress call and called in a special team of animal handlers to tame the Wendigo. He said,

"Nice to see you ladies are doing all right."

He looked at Logan,

"Logan."

Wolverine looked back, growling,

"Fury."

Fury ordered,

"Put the Abominable Snowman in a cage for study."

He then folded his arms,

"So, how's the mutant/human relations working out?"

A dark smile appeared on Monica's face. She said,

"Why don't you come in for a minute and we'll tell you."

As soon as Fury walked in with Pulsar, the African-American heroine yelled,

"You never told us about Kitty's cooking, so now, you're going to have some!"

Fury shouted,

"No! That's inhuman punishment! No, don't make me eat it!"  
The next few sounds were not the faintest of human, as Fury was being fed one of Kitty's culinary disasters. No one was quite sure what it was, but it could have been worse than the ravioli and pizza she made. Kitty announced,

"Hey, guys. Wanna try the cheesecake I cooked?"

At this, the Avengers and X-men fled in all different directions.

Kitty asked herself,

"Is my cooking really that bad?"

Next Chapter:

What ever happened to Monet? And, what will Loki do next?


	10. Chapter 10

**Cookin' With Disaster **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Leon/Crisis. Wildstar belongs to L1701E! _

Chapter 10: After Dinner Drinks 

**Massachusetts Academy… **

Marie Colbert, the Hellion known as Tarot, had just finished divining her cards. She looked at the cards on the table and said,

"It says there will be a failure of one of your teammates. Plus, this teammate will ruin something very valuable to someone."

Jennifer Stravos, the Hellion Roulette, scoffed,

"What're you doing, Tarot? Learning that your future with Wildstar isn't in the cards?"  
She laughed at her joke. Marie scowled,

"For your information, the cards are telling me something about one of our teammates. It appears that this one teammate will fail at a task and incur the wrath of someone powerful."  
Elsewhere, Emma Frost, the blonde headmistress of the Hellion school, was sitting, admiring something in her room. She sighed happily,

"Finally, it took me years and lots of money and patience, but I finally have completed a scale model of Fenway Park, right down to the Green Monster. Now, I hope nothing comes to ruin this."

She turned and was about to reach for something when Monet came crashing through the ceiling, landing square in the middle of the room. The entire scale model collapsed, and so did the table.

M recovered and roared at the top of her lungs,

"CRISIS IS DEAD WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM!"

She failed to noticed Emma's death glare until she looked up. Emma had steam coming out of her ears and fire coming out of her mouth. The dark-skinned mutant swallowed,

"Oh, crap."

Tarot and Roulette listened to the deafening screams of Emma Frost and Monet's attempts to beg for mercy. The card reader smirked,

"Well, it turned out to be M after all."

**Meanwhile… **

Nick Fury was being carted away by several SHIELD medics. Pulsar smiled,

"I wonder how he likes Kitty's cooking now."

She then turned back to Beast and Simon,

"As for you two…fix my car."

The two friends looked at the light manipulator. She shrieked,

"NOW!"

Hank and Simon ran off.

Persiana looked around,

"Where's my boyfriend?"

Carol answered,

"He went to see the West Coast Misfits about a tape he made about Monet summoning the Wendigo or something. Should be right back."

She smugly added,

"And, for the record, he's my boyfriend. That Wendigo thing can be your new boyfriend. You two have so much in common."

Farrah roared,

"LEON'S MY MAN, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!"

Carol laughed,

"If you ask me, you and Wendigo have SO much in common; you're both hairballs who don't have any manners."

Farrah screamed,

"DIE, BARBIE!"  
She tackled the blonde, a cat-fight breaking out. Roberto shrugged,

"Well, at least it's not a total loss! YAHOO!"  
Tabitha slapped him upside the head,

"You are an idiot, you know that?"

**At the West Coast Misfits Manor… **

Crisis was waiting patiently at the front gate. Earlier, he had called and said he would be over with a tape that Ace had to see.

Theresa O'Rouke, the team leader Siryn, greeted him,

"Hello, Leon."

Leon smiled,

"Hi, Syrin."

He narrowed his eyes,

"Weren't you a redhead when I first saw you?"

Siryn blushed,

"To be honest, Ali wanted me to dye my hair."

Leon shrugged,

"I think you look better as a red head."

The Irish mutant chuckled,

"I'll have to think about it. Ye said you had for Ace?"

Leon pulled out a tape,

"M came by earlier and had a cannibal monster attack us. I think Ace will be very interested in this."

He passed off the tape and flew back at super speed. Theresa shook her head,

"A cannibal monster?"

She shuddered,

"Well, might as well watch it."

End of Cookin' with Disaster!


End file.
